{"id":23613,"date":"2018-12-09T08:00:36","date_gmt":"2018-12-09T07:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/?p=23613"},"modified":"2020-08-13T12:38:52","modified_gmt":"2020-08-13T10:38:52","slug":"den-stora-trottheten-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/index.php\/den-stora-trottheten-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Den stora tr\u00f6ttheten"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"color: #800000;\"><em><strong>Sk\u00f6r, var jag i g\u00e5r kv\u00e4ll, n\u00e4r jag skrev detta. Jag \u00e4r nog starkare \u00e4n s\u00e5, t\u00e4nker jag idag. Men ibland m\u00e5ste man f\u00e5 falla.<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>F\u00f6rst \u00e4r chocken. D\u00e5 beh\u00f6ver min kropp varken s\u00f6mn eller mat. Adrenalinet pumpar. Alla system g\u00e5r p\u00e5 max. Jag ska\u00a0 g\u00f6ra och l\u00f6sa allt, jag vill ordna och fixa. Mitt i natten googlar jag allt som skrivits om stroke. <br \/>Jag vill s\u00e4lja bilen, boka in en snickare f\u00f6r att s\u00e4tta in nytt k\u00f6k. Jag kl\u00e4ttrar p\u00e5 k\u00f6ksbordet sent en s\u00f6ndag. F\u00f6r julgardinerna m\u00e5ste upp. F\u00f6r att\u00a0<em><strong>The show must go on<\/strong><\/em> och f\u00f6r att det finns inget jag inte kan g\u00f6ra just nu. Inget jag inte klarar.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Jag vet inte ens om det \u00e4r jag som ligger sjuk och or\u00f6rlig under sondens tickande ljud, som ligger vaken n\u00e4r en o\u00e4ndlig str\u00f6m av medpatienter hostar, rosslar, kr\u00e4ks och dr\u00f6mmer i natten. \u00c4r det jag som inte kan sv\u00e4lja eller \u00e4r det jag som b\u00e4lgar i mig vatten? F\u00f6r att orka, klara lite, lite till innan \u00e4ven min kropp till slut m\u00e5ste \u00e4ta?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>\u00c4r det jag som h\u00e5ller i alla tr\u00e5dar, memorerar alla ronder? Uppr\u00e4ttar sambandscentral f\u00f6r alla som kr\u00e4ver att f\u00e5 veta, eller \u00e4r det jag som blundar dr\u00f6ml\u00f6st i ett t\u00f6cken av ljud, ljus och dofter? Fungerar mina ben, eller vacklar jag ocks\u00e5?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>\u00c4r det du eller jag som skriver de d\u00e4r inl\u00e4ggen n\u00e4r alla andra sover?\u00a0<br \/>\u00c4r det jag som h\u00e5ller din hand, eller \u00e4r det egentligen du som h\u00e5ller i min?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>I chockens tidevarv, d\u00e5 sk\u00e4ller jag g\u00e4rna som en hund och hoppar p\u00e5 ett ben. Om bara n\u00e5gon s\u00e4ger \u00e5t mig.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Sen rasar jag ned\u00e5t. Den stora tr\u00f6ttheten \u00f6vervinner allt. Pepparkaksdegen borde\u00a0 ju s\u00e4ttas, julstj\u00e4rnorna har redan torkat ut och Mio skickar s\u00e5 ilskna meddelanden om den d\u00e4r s\u00e4nggaveln som bara m\u00e5ste h\u00e4mtas.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Jag t\u00e4nker att jag borde g\u00e5 p\u00e5 julmarknad i \u00e5r,\u00a0 fota \u00d6stra stationen i minusgrader precis n\u00e4r solen g\u00e5r ner, baka en V\u00e4sterbottenspaj f\u00f6r att se om Christofer kan smaka.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>Och det \u00e4r ju s\u00e5 klart mig det h\u00e4nger p\u00e5 om det ska bli n\u00e5gon g\u00e5ngtr\u00e4ning idag. <strong><em>Men det enda jag vill g\u00f6ra \u00e4r att sova.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>N\u00e5gon har skrivit om oss p\u00e5 Facebook ser jag, diskuterat v\u00e5r prognos. <em>Som ett stort krokben i natten.<\/em><br \/>Jag har ju ocks\u00e5 skrivit, men f\u00f6r att bara jag f\u00e5r. F\u00f6r jag ligger ju ocks\u00e5 d\u00e4r i landstings-tshirt, yr i huvudet, drar \u00e5t h\u00f6ger och f\u00f6rs\u00f6ker f\u00f6rst\u00e5 hur jag n\u00e5gonsin ska kunna sv\u00e4lja.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sk\u00f6r, var jag i g\u00e5r kv\u00e4ll, n\u00e4r jag skrev detta. Jag \u00e4r nog starkare \u00e4n s\u00e5, t\u00e4nker jag idag. Men ibland m\u00e5ste man f\u00e5 falla. F\u00f6rst \u00e4r chocken. D\u00e5 beh\u00f6ver min kropp varken s\u00f6mn eller mat. Adrenalinet pumpar. Alla system g\u00e5r p\u00e5 max. Jag ska\u00a0 g\u00f6ra och l\u00f6sa allt, jag [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":23614,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1516],"tags":[1674],"class_list":["post-23613","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personligt","tag-stroke"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Den stora tr\u00f6ttheten<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sk\u00f6r, var jag i g\u00e5r kv\u00e4ll, n\u00e4r jag skrev detta. Jag \u00e4r nog starkare \u00e4n s\u00e5, t\u00e4nker jag idag. Men ibland m\u00e5ste man f\u00e5 falla. F\u00f6rst \u00e4r chocken. 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