{"id":24358,"date":"2019-01-22T06:47:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-22T05:47:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/?p=24358"},"modified":"2020-08-26T11:59:43","modified_gmt":"2020-08-26T09:59:43","slug":"frisk-eller-sjuk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/index.php\/frisk-eller-sjuk\/","title":{"rendered":"Frisk eller sjuk, vi eller jag – om strokens l\u00e5ngsamma v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ormens v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget.<\/p>\n

– Tales\u00e4tt f\u00f6r det som ingen kan f\u00f6rst\u00e5<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Christofer har gjort enorma framsteg \u00e4nd\u00e5. Vi \u00e4r s\u00e5 glada \u00f6ver det. L\u00e4ttade och upprymda. Det \u00e4r enkelt att fokusera p\u00e5 det positiva. Om det skriver och talar jag g\u00e4rna.
\n– Det g\u00e5r s\u00e5 bra, ska ni veta, han \u00e4r ute och promenerar mest hela dagarna!<\/p>\n

Jag minns n\u00e4r Alexander var b\u00e4bis och jag var hemma. Jag ville s\u00e5 g\u00e4rna att det skulle g\u00e5 bra allting hemma. Att det skulle vara enkelt. F\u00f6r att det var s\u00e5 jag s\u00e5g mig sj\u00e4lv som mamma. Som en som tyckte att det gick bra. Inte som en s\u00e5n som aldrig hann duscha och satt hela dagen i morronrock och stripigt h\u00e5r. S\u00e5 jag sa alltid:
\n– Det g\u00e5r s\u00e5 bra!
\nOch det var ocks\u00e5 det omgivningen ville h\u00f6ra. Annars rynkade man sina pannor och gav bekymrade r\u00e5d. Och jag s\u00e5g att man inte var n\u00f6jd med mig.<\/p>\n

Fast det var ju inte alls l\u00e4tt. Det kan jag ju se nu. Men inte d\u00e5. D\u00e5 ville jag s\u00e5 g\u00e4rna.<\/p>\n

P\u00e5 samma s\u00e4tt \u00e4r det l\u00e4tt att skriva om framstegen nu. Vi \u00e4r duktiga. Det g\u00e5r bra. Vi presterar<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Christofer \u00e4r ig\u00e5ng i stort sett hela dagarna. Det \u00e4r fortfarande jag som m\u00e5ste handla och g\u00f6ra alla \u00e4renden, sl\u00e4nga p\u00e5 \u00e5tervinningen, handla hundmat. Men hemma hj\u00e4lps vi \u00e5t. N\u00e4r jag kommer hem \u00e4r diskb\u00e4nken blank och Christofer f\u00f6rbereder middagen.<\/p>\n

Det \u00e4r l\u00e4tt att gl\u00f6mma hur sjuk han \u00e4r. Hur v\u00e4ldigt, v\u00e4ldigt sjuk han \u00e4r.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Och jag m\u00e5ste om och om igen f\u00f6rst\u00e5, verkligen f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka f\u00f6rst\u00e5 hur stroken funkar. F\u00f6r det finns inget tillfrisknande som man \u00e4r van. I de flesta andra sjukdomar kan man ligga riktigt sjuk. Men s\u00e5 en dag v\u00e4nder det och sen blir man frisk. Ett brutet ben \u00e4r av. Men om det gipsas kommer det en dag att ha l\u00e4kt och vara helt igen. Till och med starkare \u00e4n innan.<\/p>\n

Stroken funkar inte s\u00e5. Dess v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget kan ingen f\u00f6rst\u00e5 eller f\u00f6rutse.<\/p>\n

Christofer \u00e4r sig ju precis lik. Men kommer samtidigt aldrig mer att bli den han var innan. Och man vet inte vad som ryms i det glappet. Det kan man inte f\u00f6rst\u00e5 i f\u00f6rv\u00e4g.<\/p>\n

Jag har skrivit glatt att hj\u00e4rntr\u00f6ttheten, den ser vi inte mycket av. Men gl\u00f6mmer d\u00e5 att Christofer har sitt universum bara hemma. D\u00e5 och d\u00e5 bes\u00f6k av n\u00e5gon. Annars bara jag och ibland n\u00e5gra barn. Han har knappt alls f\u00e5tt prova sin nya skadade hj\u00e4rna mot hela den stora v\u00e4rlden d\u00e4r utanf\u00f6r. M\u00e4nniskor, bilar, ljud och ljus. R\u00f6relse, larm och of\u00f6ruts\u00e4gbarhet. Hur kommer han att klara det? Det har vi ingen aning om \u00e4n.<\/p>\n

Jag fr\u00e5gar om n\u00e5got, \u00e4r lite ivrig, har en ide. H\u00f6r irritation i hans r\u00f6st. Christofer som aldrig blir irriterad.
\n– Jag h\u00e5ller p\u00e5 med det h\u00e4r nu.
\nTv\u00e5 saker samtidigt \u00e4r minst en f\u00f6r mycket.<\/p>\n

Igen och igen f\u00e5r jag f\u00f6rs\u00f6ka f\u00f6rst\u00e5.<\/p>\n

Det \u00e4r vi som har haft en stroke. Tillsammans. Vi har b\u00e5da blundat bredvid varandra i en v\u00e4rld som snurrar. K\u00e4mpat med sv\u00e4lreflexen, g\u00e5tt stapplande, vingliga steg. Vi \u00e4r ett och vi har g\u00e5tt igenom det h\u00e4r tillsammans. Du \u00e4r jag och jag \u00e4r du<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Men \u00e4nd\u00e5 \u00e4r det ju inte s\u00e5. Kanske \u00e4r tiden nu att se det ocks\u00e5. F\u00f6r jag kan ju g\u00e5, jag kan hoppa och springa. Jag kan g\u00f6ra tre saker samtidigt minst och mina \u00f6gon funkar b\u00e5da tv\u00e5 \u00e4ven p\u00e5 morgonen.
\nDet \u00e4r inte jag som har f\u00e5tt en stroke.<\/p>\n

Jag s\u00e4ger det till Christofer att jag m\u00e5ste ocks\u00e5 v\u00e4lja hur mitt liv ska vara nu. Hur mycket stroke ska jag ha?<\/p>\n

– De sa det p\u00e5 den d\u00e4r sjukv\u00e5rdsutbildningen jag var p\u00e5, s\u00e4ger han d\u00e5. Att om ett \u00f6ga \u00e4r skadat \u00e4r det viktigt att bara l\u00e4gga bandaget p\u00e5 det \u00f6gat och inte \u00f6ver b\u00e5da. Det oskadda \u00f6gat m\u00e5ste f\u00e5 forts\u00e4tta och titta som vanligt.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Och nu minns jag det jag visst f\u00f6rtr\u00e4ngt i snart tv\u00e5 m\u00e5nader nu. I november var jag b\u00e5de arg och besviken p\u00e5 Christofer. Tyckte att han gl\u00f6mde bort mig helt. Och oss. P\u00e5 en hel m\u00e5nad var han knappt hemma. Bara milit\u00e4ra utbildningar. Att h\u00e5lla i och att sj\u00e4lv \u00e5ka p\u00e5. Bland det f\u00f6rsta jag sa p\u00e5 sjukhuset var:
\n– F\u00f6rl\u00e5t att jag varit s\u00e5 sur!<\/p>\n

Nu pl\u00f6tsligt minns jag.<\/p>\n

Och bland det f\u00f6rsta Christofer sa till mig d\u00e4r p\u00e5 sjukhuset var:
\n– Fr\u00e5n och med nu ska jag l\u00e4gga all den energi och ork jag har p\u00e5 er. P\u00e5 dig och p\u00e5 mina barn. Ni ska f\u00e5 allt av mig nu.<\/p>\n

Och jag minns att jag mitt i allt detta med stroke, k\u00e4nde en l\u00e4ttnad. Och ett lugn. Han \u00e4r min nu. Helt och h\u00e5llet. Som jag inte m\u00e5ste dela och avst\u00e5. Jag som aldrig kunnat f\u00e5 nog. Av just honom.<\/p>\n

Och redan \u00e4r jag allts\u00e5 rastl\u00f6s. Jag som var beredd att g\u00f6ra allt d\u00e5. Mata, rulla rullstol. Duscha och kl\u00e4 p\u00e5. Whatever it takes<\/em><\/strong>. Nu l\u00e4ngtar jag visst redan ut. Jaget vill leva. Springa, hoppa och g\u00e5 s\u00e5 m\u00e5nga mil jag bara kan. F\u00f6r att jag kan. F\u00f6r att livet alltid l\u00e4ngtar ut. Om det kan.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Jordanien<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Jag har best\u00e4mt nu att jag \u00e5ker sj\u00e4lv till Jordanien. Kanske tar jag med n\u00e5gon om jag hittar n\u00e5gon som kan och vill. Men annars \u00e5ker jag ensam. Det k\u00e4nns inte som en s\u00e5 stor grej \u00e4nd\u00e5. Jag \u00e4r ju sjukt resvan. Och sjukt van att reda mig sj\u00e4lv. Konstigt \u00e4nd\u00e5 att det tog s\u00e5 l\u00e5ng tid. Att komma fram till n\u00e5got s\u00e5 sj\u00e4lvklart.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Jag.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ormens v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget. – Tales\u00e4tt f\u00f6r det som ingen kan f\u00f6rst\u00e5 Christofer har gjort enorma framsteg \u00e4nd\u00e5. Vi \u00e4r s\u00e5 glada \u00f6ver det. L\u00e4ttade och upprymda. Det \u00e4r enkelt att fokusera p\u00e5 det positiva. Om det skriver och talar jag g\u00e4rna. – Det g\u00e5r s\u00e5 bra, ska ni veta, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":24386,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1516],"tags":[1674],"class_list":["post-24358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personligt","tag-stroke"],"yoast_head":"\nFrisk eller sjuk, vi eller jag - om strokens l\u00e5ngsamma v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Ormens v\u00e4g p\u00e5 h\u00e4lleberget. - Tales\u00e4tt f\u00f6r det som ingen kan f\u00f6rst\u00e5 Christofer har gjort enorma framsteg \u00e4nd\u00e5. Vi \u00e4r s\u00e5 glada \u00f6ver det. 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