{"id":25525,"date":"2019-03-23T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-03-23T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/?p=25525"},"modified":"2020-08-13T08:55:36","modified_gmt":"2020-08-13T06:55:36","slug":"acceptans-for-det-som-sker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/4000mil.se\/index.php\/acceptans-for-det-som-sker\/","title":{"rendered":"Acceptans f\u00f6r det som sker – eller ”om inte” och ”om bara”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Acceptans f\u00f6r det som sker. Det sv\u00e5raste tillst\u00e5ndet n\u00e4r livet g\u00e5r emot och fruktansv\u00e4rda saker drabbar.<\/p>\n

Alla har vi v\u00e4l n\u00e5gon g\u00e5ng h\u00f6rt eller l\u00e4st Sinnesrob\u00f6nen<\/em><\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Ge mig sinnesro att acceptera det jag inte kan f\u00f6r\u00e4ndra, mod att f\u00f6r\u00e4ndra det jag kan, och f\u00f6rst\u00e5nd att inse skillnaden.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Att inte inse skillnaden och att inte acceptera det som inte g\u00e5r att f\u00f6r\u00e4ndra skapar extremt mycket frustration, lidande och \u00e5ngest, vet jag av egen erfarenhet. F\u00f6r jag har varit just en s\u00e5n, som v\u00e4grat acceptera.<\/p>\n

Just s\u00e5 h\u00e4r f\u00e5r det bara inte vara<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Skrev jag vanm\u00e4ktigt 2008 i en av mina m\u00e5nga anteckningsb\u00f6cker d\u00e4r jag p\u00e5 den tiden f\u00f6rs\u00f6kte f\u00e5 utlopp f\u00f6r allt inom mig genom att skriva dikter.<\/p>\n

Jag har slagits och slagits och slagits mot v\u00e4derkvarnarna. Och n\u00e4r jag slagits klart och till slut sjunkit ihop p\u00e5 marken med blodiga knogar. S\u00e5 har verkligheten \u00e4nd\u00e5 sett ut p\u00e5 precis samma s\u00e4tt som n\u00e4r jag b\u00f6rjade. Och det som har h\u00e4nt, har fortfarande h\u00e4nt.<\/p>\n

Kanske \u00e4r det livet som l\u00e4rt om mig. L\u00e5ngsamt, l\u00e5ngsamt.<\/p>\n

Men ocks\u00e5 detta:<\/p>\n

10 \u00e5r efter tsunamin hade alla de stora svenska dagstidningarna stora reportage om h\u00e4ndelsen och intervjuer med drabbade som varit p\u00e5 plats d\u00e5 och f\u00f6rlorat anh\u00f6riga. Jag var p\u00e5 v\u00e4g till omr\u00e5det i samma veva och l\u00e4ste mycket av det som skrevs. En fredag p\u00e5 jobbet. Vi hade varit p\u00e5 julbord till lunch och alla mina kollegor hade passat p\u00e5 att flexa ut och sluta tidigt (som man g\u00f6r p\u00e5 kommunen, h\u00f6ll jag p\u00e5 att s\u00e4ga).<\/p>\n

Jag dr\u00f6jde mig kvar och fastnade i ett av dessa reportage. En man som f\u00f6rlorade alla. Fru och tv\u00e5 barn som varit p\u00e5 stranden. Sj\u00e4lv var han ute p\u00e5 en b\u00e5t. En man p\u00e5 hotellet f\u00f6ljde honom in p\u00e5 rummet d\u00e4r de bodde. D\u00e4r var det vatten p\u00e5 golvet n\u00e5gon decimeter, men i \u00f6vrigt or\u00f6rt och oskatt. Mannen sj\u00f6nk ihop av synen, ber\u00e4ttade han och mumlade: ”Om de bara stannat h\u00e4r. Om de varit p\u00e5 rummet s\u00e5 hade de bara beh\u00f6vt sitta p\u00e5 s\u00e4ngarna. De hade inte ens blivit bl\u00f6ta.\u201d<\/p>\n

D\u00e5 hade den thail\u00e4ndske mannen tagit tag om han axlar h\u00e5rt. Skakat honom och sagt med eftertryck: ”T\u00e4nka aldrig s\u00e5 igen! Det som har h\u00e4nt, har h\u00e4nt och det finns inget ”om inte” och ”om bara”!<\/em><\/strong>”<\/p>\n

”Det hj\u00e4lpte mig j\u00e4ttemycket\u201d, konstaterade mannen 10 \u00e5r efter\u00e5t. Att inte fastna i det. ”Om inte” och ”om bara”.<\/p>\n

F\u00f6r de leder ju inte fram\u00e5t utan bara in\u00e5t i \u00e4ltande och sm\u00e4rta.<\/p>\n

N\u00e4r jag ett par \u00e5r senare r\u00e5kade ut f\u00f6r min olycka i Kuala Lumpur<\/a>, t\u00e4nkte jag direkt s\u00e5. ”Det som har h\u00e4nt har h\u00e4nt” Aldrig ”Om inte” eller ”Om bara”. Fast gudarna ska veta att det fanns m\u00e5nga om inte<\/em> och om bara<\/em> i just det fallet. Vi skulle egentligen inte ha varit i Kuala Lumpur \u00f6verhuvudtaget. Om det inte varit f\u00f6r det d\u00e4r inst\u00e4llda planet till Borneo. Vi hade p\u00e5 morgonen inte ens valt vart vi skulle \u00e5ka under dagen, utan \u00e5kte p\u00e5 impuls ut till Batu Caves. N\u00e4r vi kom fram k\u00e4nde jag direkt att detta var inte en sev\u00e4rdhet som jag tyckte var intressant. Jag ville egentligen v\u00e4nda och \u00e5ka d\u00e4rifr\u00e5n, men gick en lov i grottan ”f\u00f6r syns skull”. En enda sten f\u00f6ll det fr\u00e5n grottans tak. Den tr\u00e4ffade mig p\u00e5 den d\u00e4r rundan ”f\u00f6r syns skull”. Jag som inte ens skulle ha varit d\u00e4r.<\/p>\n

Men jag t\u00e4nkte \u00e4nd\u00e5 aldrig s\u00e5. Kanske var det den d\u00e4r thail\u00e4ndske hotellarbetarens f\u00f6rtj\u00e4nst.<\/p>\n

Inte heller under Christofers stroke har jag t\u00e4nkt s\u00e5. Inte en g\u00e5ng. Bara; ”Det som har h\u00e4nt, har h\u00e4nt”<\/em><\/strong> och ”Nu l\u00f6ser vi uppgiften utifr\u00e5n det nya l\u00e4get”<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Jag har faktiskt inte ens brutit ihop.<\/p>\n

F\u00f6rst p\u00e5 v\u00e4gen hem fr\u00e5n Borl\u00e4nge, t\u00e4nkte jag att jag utg\u00e5r fr\u00e5n att l\u00e4get \u00e4r okej. Och om det visar sig inte vara det, s\u00e5 kommer jag att ha massor av tid att bryta ihop sen. Sen planerade jag att bryta ihop i alla fall lite n\u00e4r jag kom fram till sjukhuset, men d\u00e5 kom Christofers barn samtidigt som mig, s\u00e5 d\u00e5 m\u00e5ste jag ju f\u00f6rst\u00e5s h\u00e5lla ihop och vara stark.<\/p>\n

Sen var det \u00e4nd\u00e5 mest tacksamhet. F\u00f6r att Christofer levde och f\u00f6r att l\u00e4get ju faktiskt var s\u00e5nt att vi kunde hoppas p\u00e5 att han skulle bli \u00e5terst\u00e4lld igen. S\u00e5 otroligt f\u00f6rm\u00e4tet d\u00e5 att s\u00f6rja. S\u00e5 otacksamt. Och s\u00e5 farligt. F\u00f6r \u00f6det, gud och d\u00f6den \u00e4r inga f\u00f6rl\u00e5tande v\u00e4nner. De m\u00e4ter ut. F\u00f6r dem som inte f\u00f6rtj\u00e4nar och f\u00f6ljer sitt kontrakt.<\/p>\n

Det kom sm\u00e5 utandningar ibland de f\u00f6rsta dagarna. Utandningar som l\u00e4t som skr\u00e4mda, d\u00f6ende djur. Men sen packade jag en v\u00e4ska med kalsonger och strumpor, eller vad som nu beh\u00f6vdes p\u00e5 sjukhuset, tog min bil och gjorde det som m\u00e5ste g\u00f6ras. Det jag kunde g\u00f6ra.
\nJag var tacksam. Och jag t\u00e4nkte aldrig ”om inte”. F\u00f6r det var ju just s\u00e5 h\u00e4r det var. Stroken hade drabbat just oss. Och just s\u00e5 fick det helt enkelt bara bara.<\/p>\n

Men i torsdags<\/a> br\u00f6t jag ihop. Och sa ”Varf\u00f6r just vi? F\u00f6rbannade j\u00e4vla liv!\u201d<\/p>\n

En kort stund. Innan jag drog ihop mig sj\u00e4lv, Drog upp dragkedjan i min hud. Och konstaterade att det som har h\u00e4nt har h\u00e4nt. Och nu l\u00f6ser vi uppgiften utifr\u00e5n det nya l\u00e4get.<\/p>\n

Och det kan ju f\u00f6rresten str\u00e4ngt taget vara jag som d\u00f6r i stroke n\u00e4sta s\u00f6ndag. Det vet man ju aldrig.<\/p>\n

Hur brukar du t\u00e4nka n\u00e4r du drabbas av sv\u00e5ra saker?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Acceptans<\/p>\n

L\u00e4s alla inl\u00e4gg om v\u00e5r resa efter Christofers stroke h\u00e4r.<\/a><\/p>\n

Missa inga inl\u00e4gg, gilla 4000mil p\u00e5 Facebook<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Acceptans f\u00f6r det som sker. Det sv\u00e5raste tillst\u00e5ndet n\u00e4r livet g\u00e5r emot och fruktansv\u00e4rda saker drabbar. Alla har vi v\u00e4l n\u00e5gon g\u00e5ng h\u00f6rt eller l\u00e4st Sinnesrob\u00f6nen: Ge mig sinnesro att acceptera det jag inte kan f\u00f6r\u00e4ndra, mod att f\u00f6r\u00e4ndra det jag kan, och f\u00f6rst\u00e5nd att inse skillnaden. Att inte inse […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":25533,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1516],"tags":[1674],"class_list":["post-25525","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personligt","tag-stroke"],"yoast_head":"\nAcceptans f\u00f6r det som sker - eller "om inte" och "om bara"<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Acceptans f\u00f6r det som sker. Det sv\u00e5raste tillst\u00e5ndet n\u00e4r livet g\u00e5r emot och fruktansv\u00e4rda saker drabbar. 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